Selfish?

I don't know if this is selfish of me,

If your boyfriend cheated on you more than 2 times in the relationship, treated you like shit, still treats you like shit, lies to you, and all of a sudden expects me to believe that he changed because I'm pregnant?

I'm sorry but for all those times I stuck with him, when he fucked up, when I cried myself to sleep for how many nights, I got tired of it. He, to me, looked more disgusting each time i laid eyes on him.

He was all into worldly things like, a new bike, his new IPHONE, social networks, taking the time to look like a fagget and pluck his eye brows, get a fade each week, new shoes.. I mean come on, he changed! That's why, I don't think I'm selfish at all, because it isn't my fault that I feel the way that I do about him,

I feel nothing but sympathy for the kid because he is going to be missing the best thing that could ever happen to him. Honestly, I don't want to take his child away from him, but, I know I could give my kid the best love I could ever give.

How do you expect me to stay in a relationship that my heart is not completely in for?
YOU get hurt as much as I did, then let me know how the hell you would feel at the end of it.
I'm not wrong.

When he KNEW i was pregnant he was still talking to some dick thirsty skanks, so why give him the chance of a lifetime? He blew his chances already, I'm sick of his shit that he puts me through, and idk, no offense but he grew up to be an individual that I would never let my kid be around.

Has no respect for others except himself.

As I'm living, I know I'm ever going to be with someone like that again.

LESSON LEARNED.

PHLYNN AUSTIN PENNINGTON, YOU HAD ME.

Picky

I WANT NEED...

a MAN of God
a guy who will call me beautiful when I don't feel like it
a guy who will MAKE me feel beautiful
a guy who won't call me weird when I'm being my self
a guy who will accept who I am
a guy who will take care of me
a guy who is faithful
a guy who is dependable
a guy who won't bring me down
a guy who doesn't lust over me
a guy who is determined in life
a guy with a great heart
a guy with good intentions
a guy who treats their family with respect
a guy who treats my family with respect
a guy who will never make me cry
a guy who will comfort me in time of need
a guy who can't stand to see me upset
a guy who will swallow up his pride and say sorry even if I'M the one at fault
& a guy who will show me that he loves me instead of telling me.

June 12, 2012

Morning: Wake up @ 5:30, watered the plants, did anything for my mom. EXCITED
Getting Ready: I'm shaking, crying at the same time wondering how it would feel to finally see my baby in me.
Regret: 1)I text him last night, hoping he would text me today saying that he's down to come. 2) thinking he would actually come

I arrived at the appointment at approximately 10am. Did all new paper work, then got called in at 10:10.. ah!!! I was so anxious! The ultrasound tech was asking me questions on how long I am, and that I might be a little early for an ultrasound.. but here we go!

Laid down, dropped my pants just below my waist, and here comes the "cold" gel that the movies show.. (ps. it's not even cold lol) I wouldn't expect my baby to be so big!!!! He/She was jumping everywhere! I got to see his/hers little fingers, little foot, head, nose, heartbeat, everything... It was everything and more than I ever expected.. I never felt so proud of myself for being so strong by myself.

For all the single mothers out there, I understand that it's really hard and it feels like you can't go on but, I promise you it'll get better. All those nights, crying yourself to sleep, will pay off when you see your baby boy or baby girl. I know I'm sad at times but, I think about how beautiful my baby will be to me no matter what. I will love him/her with everything that I have and am.

Thank you God for everything that I have, and everything that I don't have. I trust that you will be by my side, be with me through everything. I have faith that with this suffering, You will bring me joy and love. And in the end there will be nothing else on my face than a smile.

Sometimes I just wish I could just give you a little hug, just to know how it feels to be at peace. To have nothing to worry about, to have that true satisfaction of just calmness. I'm still waiting for that day, because once I hug you, I will never let go.

God, words cannot explain how hurt I am.. How bad I don't want to open up to any one any more because of how hurt I am.

Please Daddy, please give me the strength to put away my stress, my anger toward people, to my family that I love, please give me patience to just think about what I'm going to say, rather than to say it immediately. With Phlynn, God I pray that you keep him safe, I hope and pray that he's happy with someone else. I'm no longer on his team and just let him that no matter what I'll always be there for him and I'll always love him. Please take care of him God,... Please.